Birding With Kids: The Raw, Unfiltered Truth
Seems “Birding with Kids” is flying off of everybody’s lips right now, thanks to all this talk about saving kids from nature deficit disorder (Last Child in the Woods by Richard Louv). Left and right, I hear nature lovers urging us that if we’ll ONLY venture out of doors with our precious halflings, we will meet with success in uncommon hours. Or some such nonsense.
Me. Silly enough to try to engage 2nd graders on the subject of birds.
I’m ALL FOR getting kids inspired by nature, but as I’ve said before, here at Birds, Words, & Websites, I’m all about the truth. Therefore, I must beg you to consider the raw, unfiltered reality of birding with kids before you attempt this yourself. I wrote the following exposé a few years ago, when my kids were 5 and 7, after many failed attempts at continuing my beloved hobby whilst my ankle-biters were still nipping. Read on:
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After birding with the kids today, I’m ready to give up either birding or the kids.
And you know to which I’m partial.
Just returned from birding Montezuma National Wildlife Refuge with the family. That’s how mothers have to do things, they BRING their kids along or they don’t bird. And if birding mothers don’t bird, they get crabby. Very crabby.
It was sunny, warm, and 60 degrees. My husband and I decided to drive Montezuma’s 5-mile self-guided auto tour. We thought the kids, if nothing else, would enjoy the day because they could sit in the warm, fuzzy interior of our mini-van completely isolated from the “elements” where they didn’t even have to KNOW nature was happening outside the windows. What better gig for an American kid?
That was our first mistake.
Our second mistake was letting them see the snackbag that contained a 20-oz. container of ORANGE Gator-ade.
Did I mention it was ORANGE?
The kids were drunk at first sight. They were positively intoxicated by it, so we spent the first hour-and-a-half of travel time deflecting begging calls from our (apparently) desperately dehydrated chicks.
“No, you cannot have the Gator-ade. Not yet. Because. Because that’s for lunch. If you’re thirsty, drink your water. PUT the Gator-ade down. Give that back. Here, hand me that bottle…FORGET ABOUT THE GATOR-ADE!!!!”
Oh, we tried our best. We prepared for a day of FAMILY birding. We TRIED to meet everybody’s needs, whims, and irrational demands. Each boy had a REAL pair of binoculars. We had a bag full of snacks. We had kid-friendly field guides. Everybody’s lenses were spick-and-span. Even the car windows were spotless.
On the slow auto-tour, we opened the side door on the van so the kids could see across the pond. Using our best kindergarten-teacher voices, we primed them with exciting visions of what we might see. We even lied, telling them how much we needed their help to find all the “duckies” and “honkers.”
The pond was full of waterfowl, but after one peek through the scope my kids were done. As in D-O-N-E.
As my husband and I tried to focus the scope on distant birds, Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum thought it would be fun to bounce, hit, jump, move, stretch, step, stoop, pick up, throw down, swerve, shout, laugh–WHATEVER it took to ensure that NEITHER of their parents would see a bird, ANY bird, with ANY detail whatsoever, on the ENTIRE 5-mile loop.
Keep in mind that when you’re trying to focus on waterfowl at 60x, even a sneeze can knock your field of view light years away from your subject, which is usually never to be found again.
The conversation in the van went something like this:
“What is that? Let me get the scope on it.”
“Please honey, we’re trying to see through the scope, sit still for just one minute.”
“Dang! I lost the bird.”
“I told you to sit down. And put that down. Stop it. Sit down. STOP MOVING. SIT DOWN. WILL YOU BE STILL, PLEASE? I told you to SIT STILL, I’m trying to focus.”
“Where’d the bird go now?”
“So help me god, if you move so much as your LIPS I’m gonna….”
“I don’t know, the scope moved!”
“Hey! Quiet back there! If I have to stop this car I’m going to….STOP MOVING. SIT DOWN.”
“I got a bird, look NOW before it moves again!”
“Hey! SIT DOWN. Which part of SIT DOWN don’t you understand? Was it the SIT? or the DOWN? ‘Cuz I got a way I can show you…”
“Oh, I don’t know what the hell kind of bird it is! Just move on!”
Not two miles into our auto tour, defeat was imminent. We caved and went home.
So, you might ask me what our trip list was but I’m quite sure no birding actually occurred. We may have seen ducks and geese but for all I know they could have been kiwis, parakeets, and dodo birds.
We made a big decision that day:
The next time we go birding we’d LEAVE THE KIDS AT HOME STRAPPED TO THE SOFA WITH THEIR CHINS SURGICALLY LOCKED ONTO FEED BAGS FULL OF HO-HOS AND AN IV DRIP OF MOUNTAIN DEW.
It seems, from their behavior, THAT is a hundred times better than being outside with their parents on the last sunny, warm day in November seeing things that most other kids in the world don’t get to see.
Sigh.
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As anything with children, you put in 100 hours of effort to realize about 1 hour of reward (don’t even get me started on how it was to potty train these two boys…). There was one golden moment today:
In the distance, more than 3,000 snow geese shimmered at the horizon. Wave after wave of geese rose off the water, arched in the sky like a black-and-white ribbon, then landed one-by-one back to the water. The cacophony of honks and wing flaps filled our ears and thumped in our chests. We were all mesmerized by the size and power of the flock.
My eldest son beamed up at me and said, “The geese look like snow settling on the ground. I LOVE this! This is SOOOOO amazing.”
Now THAT. Is. My. Boy.
Maybe I’ll try this birding thing with them again someday.
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So there you have it. If you choose to bird with kids, don’t say I didn’t warn you. And consider the following stats.
Birding With Kids, By the Numbers:
2 bird watchers. 2 kids. 4.5 hours. 115 miles. 4 binoculars. 1 scope. 1 VERY ORANGE Gator-ade. 16 cookies. 1 sucker. 6 fights. 138 screams. 20 tears (the fake kind). 42 threats. 13 bribes.
But 3,000 geese made it a good day’s birding.
Three years later: said child stalking Wild Turkey across a meadow. And I don't mean bourbon.
I wound up with two hyper-birder kids, but I never really tried to lead them to it. I just supported the boys interests as they developed: Turtles, dinosaurs cars, trains, Pokemon, whatever. Aaron and Ethan more or less found birding themselves, with my support and sometime guidance. I describe our family’s path to birding, as I remember it, here:
http://neighborhoodnature.wordpress.com/2009/02/28/our-spark-bird-was-the-rabbit-we-didnt-buy/
The result is sometimes hard to live with. I would much rather monitor birds close to home, but the boys want to chase birds for year and life lists. Part of that is described here:
http://neighborhoodnature.wordpress.com/2009/02/17/big-green-and-big-footprint-birding-thats-big-carbon-footprint/
So, Ethan and Aaron propose the trips, we plan them together, and I drive. I’m usually third on the scope, challenging their identifications as I feel appropriate. I’m proud of them, but after three months averaging several day-long trips a week, I’m glad our summer of birding is over. We’ll still have the weekends and after school, but at least I’ll have school hours on my own.
Eric
Loved this! Just in the planning stages of a birding trip up the western coast of South Africa with 3 boys under 5…I’m doomed, aren’t I?
I’d say, don’t take them birding — take them on an outdoor adventure to see the reptiles, mammals, bugs, rocks, slurpy mud, old cars, or anything else that might catch their attention. If there are cool birds, or birds doing cool things, point them out — or let them point them out to you. It’s more important that the boys are *interested* than that they are interested in *birds.*
If you get some birding in while they are busy catching (or being caught by) Giant African Frogs, that’s great. If not, bring the Gameboys or books/music on tape/MP3 player to distract them for at least short intervals. Or hire a sitter to come along and keep and eye on them. (Better yet, make the sitter pay you for the privilege!)
Eric
Eric,
All the long-distance chasing aside, sounds great that your kids gravitated toward your favorite interests.
I resolved my dilemma by making time to bird on my own, while I leave more active hikes and climbs for when I’m with the kids. Happy to report those golden moments in nature are coming at a more frequent pace, now.
Linea,
Yes, you are doomed. But I admire your gusto. Bring a babysitter. Even if it has cords and a pause button. ; )
Laura,
Great post. I just filled in the forms to have my two daughter adopted….
Just kidding…!!
Luciana 2.5y actually loves birds…but I think I will follow Eric’s way to her coming years. My grown up daughter from my first marriage is not into birds at all, though I always took her birding as a kid…untill it came to an extent when she bluntly asked…Do we have to birding?….AGAIN?
Anahi,,,,of three weeks is too young to know better of course…time will tell!
Don’t get me started, with three kids under the age of six I’ve had to devote a whole section of my blog to the posts about ‘Birding with Kids’. Frustration is a permanent companion.
Perhaps I struck a chord with this one: of frustration in seasoned parents, of abject fear in new ones! My point is that sometimes, despite summoning all the tricks of the parenting trade, you’re going to have big, fat failures in your attempts to share nature with your kids. This may last days, months, even years. Change your focus if you have to for a while, but keep your interests alive. Eventually, the kids will come around–they’ll pick up exactly what they’re meant to pick up and nothing more.
Alan, don’t be shy about linking your stuff here in the comments so that others can find your stories.
Yes, taking it slow and not pushing is the key. Let them come to it if they are interested, if not then make time for yourself. Having a bird house occupied by bluebird families this year brought birding “close to home” as we watched from the window and checked the boxes occasionally. Now they are getting to the point of showing me birds when they see them: “Dad, look! Is that the Harrier?!” Fun stuff.
And I really loved the Richard Louve book, he gave a great talk here at Cornell.
Laura,
I found as a birding Dad who had a similar life during my son’s early years, that as soon as I gave up on “the plan” things started to work better. That is the second I started birding on Austin’s terms rather than trying to sell him on mine, that things just started working. Sure I may have caught a lot more spiders, bugs, frogs, and snakes than I would have anticipated if the birding was on my terms, but none-the-less I wouldn’t trade it for the world!
Great read BTW!
You said it right, Eric. If they are not quite there, yet, make time for yourself. I’ve done so more than ever this past year and we are all much happier for it. We also had bluebirds this year and the kids watched the babies grow up. Now they know what that looks like.
Jeff, re: The Plan. You are absolutely right. My kids can sniff out one of Mama’s PLANs in an instant and never our two agendas shall meet. Kids are too smart these days!
Your kids will eventually appreciate your passion and perhaps pick up your hobby. One day they will sit down and listen politely when you regale them with an exciting birding story. They will feign enthusiasm even though it might bore them, but love it anyway because that story comes from you, their birding Mom. Speaking from experience here.
I was really delighted when my daughter became a cross country runner. Cross country running involves being outdoors for many hours, good, usually in a wooded environment, better, and I could take along my binoculars when she had a practice or a meet, best. I could bird and be a sports mom at the same time. Finding that happy balance can be a challenge, but you will find a way to fit birding into the most unexpected ways while being a Mom. Have you discovered the Tide pen? It works wonders on Gatorade stains.
) I know, we went through cases of the stuff during my daughter’s cross country running career.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/jkissnhug/2809913674/in/photostream/
Janet,
Truthfully, they already do appreciate my passion. When I’ve come home from distant lands (whether it be Central America or the nearby Adirondacks) after a birding trip, the boys are rapt with attention for my stories and photos. It’s a big, wide world. I like that they see me out there, part of it, as opposed to gathering moss on the couch. Whether or not they enjoy birding is up to them, but hopefully they’ll absorb a sense of adventure.
Why? Because my favorite Twain quote is: Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.
PS: Enjoyed that photo of Sarah with all the gadgetry. I can relate!